I started letting things slip. I stopped going to church. I stopped worrying about the example I was setting. I began using language that was not typical of me. I stopped listening to the voice that told me I was getting off track. I didn't do anything crazy. I didn't start committing crimes and working the street corner, I just stopped being me. I allowed the world in, and I delighted in it.
I've always wondered if my story made a difference. I don't have the dramatic come-to-Jesus burning bush story. I just have my story. My I-grew-up-going-to-church and didn't take a sip of alcohol until my 22nd birthday, and that was literally a sip story. I never cared to do any of the things that people typically do in high school and college to rebel. I don't even know that I would have known where to find drugs or alcohol in high school if I DID decide it was something I wanted, although I'm sure it was there somewhere. I was involved in my youth group in high school, and in a Christian sorority in college.
I didn't work Sundays, because they were reserved for church, although I didn't always attend. My roommate stopped inviting me to parties and stuff freshman year because I always just said no thanks. I found her online journal towards the end of the year where she wrote about me reading my Bible every night and how I might just be a good influence on her.
So, it's not a dramatic story. But I've learned that my Godly heritage is a gift. Because without it, I could not have come out of the last two years, and if I had not come out of the last two years, I don't know how I would have gotten through the recent loss of my cousin Michael.
Like I said, the last two years weren't crazy. I am a mother. It's not like I started doing drugs or drinking heavily or robbing banks. But I was a shell of who I was supposed to be. And I KNOW that the missing piece was Jesus.
So how can my story matter? How can seemingly minor changes make a difference?
It's the outward reflection of an inward change.
It's not making the dirty joke that was set up perfectly.
It's not complaining when the day is not that great.
It's reflecting joy in hardship.
It's not cussing out a difficult person behind their back.
It's showing love in all situations.
It's understanding where others are coming from.
It's being thankful for what you have.
It's honestly praying for those around you.
It's smiling at a stranger.
Because all of those things were missing. For two years those things were few and far between.
And the day I stepped back into church, I knew the stranger I had been had to go. I went live on Facebook to proclaim it (which seemed like such a great idea in church, but was so hard to do once I got home). Because once proclaimed, I couldn't back down. I couldn't slip (and I probably have). But I know who saw that video while it was LIVE, and I know who's watching to see if the changes are there. I also know who wants me to fail, but there is a bigger power pulling for me not to.
My story is not one of huge magnitude, but it can still change the world. Because it changed mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment